Profile

Hey, I'm Aurora (she / her), a 26 year old trans girl, robot drawing person, and PhD student studying misinformation in Brisbane, Australia. I am originally from a country where being trans is incredibly illegal, so I will not mention it by name. I will be spending the next year and a half working on my PhD, but once it ends, I may have to go home, which will necessitate detransition. I'm working on living life to the fullest for now, and hoping to land a job here in Australia before the PhD project ends so I can continue being me.

First Journal Entry: My Trans Identity, Forced Surgery, Detransition

I've been queer for about 14 years now, but trans specifically for about 11 years. It was really important that no one in real life find out my gender identity or queerness because the punishments for being those were and are quite severe. I actually faced some severe consequences for even being associated with queer people back home. As of September 2024 I'm on HRT and openly out as trans to anyone that sees me in real life. In many ways, I still look so much like my old self, - but for now I'm trying to be grateful for the opportunity to be trans at all.

I unexpectedly experienced female puberty first, possibly due to some intersex condition, and looked and acted extremely feminine through most of my youth. When I eventually developed breasts, my parents, my relatives and everyone around me considered me an abomination from God. It was considered quite unnatural that I was not just feminine, but completely comfortable with myself. Eventually I was forced to get a double mastectomy to remove my breasts. I still have no feeling in most of my upper chest almost a decade and a half later. When I experienced late blooming male puberty, I never felt more ruined and thought it would be the end of my chance to look how I wanted. Maybe the next year or so of transition will prove me wrong.

I've introduced myself with a few different queer identities in the last 14 years, I started out with cosplay with crossdressing as my favourite anime characters - since that was one of the few safe ways to be fem and meet other queer people back home - no one questions it if you're playing a character. In real life, but specifically to my various intimate friends over the years, I've introduced myself as genderfluid or non-binary, a half step that allowed me to confide that I'm not cis, but only making very limited steps toward my internal identity, and only to people I trust deeply. This is a huge contrast to online, where I've only introduced myself as a trans girl to many people the entirety of the full 11 years I've been sure. Currently, I present myself as a binary trans woman at work, and use more granular labels with intimate friends.

When I started transition, it was with the knowledge that I might only be able to be on HRT for a specific duration of time, and may eventually have to stop. Finally having the chance to be me has been the best few months of my life so far, even with massive emotional swings knowing it's not going to be permanent. Im hoping my skills as a PhD student keep me here where I am safe.